I couldn't understand why, that even though I tried to live as good a life as I could. Why I still had the helpless, unworthy feeling. In the beginning, I didn't realize that was what it was. I just thought it was humbleness that made me cry every time I prayed, read the bible or tried to sing. I cried so much that I begin to question it. I asked a lot of folks, preachers, people who I thought might have the answer. I asked God, but for a long time I couldn't find and answer. Finally through a dream I got my answer.

The dream: A group of Christians were gathered together. A sudden explosion was heard and I saw a building burning across the way. Black smoke boiled out, and an evil feeling filled the air. Suddenly I became fearful and starting trying to get the children to safety. I had the kids hidden all but my own son. I could hear him crying. I ran to him, and I was trying to keep him quite so the evil ones wouldn't find us. Suddenly the door to the room burst open and the evil one entered. He begin to beat me with a belt, I tried to shield myself by covering myself with my hands. As he was beating me, a voice said, "Why are you letting him beat you. YOU HAVE THE POWER!" about then the alarm clock went off awaking me. I had my answer.

I had been grieving the holy spirit buy not using what God had given me. I had taken the gifts God had given me and placed them on a shelf. The power to conquer the fear of satan, depression, sickness, to do what he did and more. I had put my gifts on a shelf in my mind and was letting it collect dust. I am very compassionate and Satan used my own compassion to depress me. What could I do to help others? What could I do to help myself? I was nothing. Now I have come to realize who I am in Christ, what I have at my disposal through him. I am not worthless, I am worthy, I am God's princess. He is my father, I am his daughter, and my dad has given me gifts that no one else can give me. I just have to remember to use them..

 

Sometimes satan use's our own relationship with God against us without our realizing it. Yes we are to be humble before God. We are not to exalt ourselves and become proud and boastful. But we are not door mats for doing this. We are God's pleasing child, one who brings happiness to his heart because of our obedience and respect to him. But don't be fooled like I was to think, I can't do anything . You can do all things through Christ.